i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize