We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A bitchslap is in order.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
