Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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