Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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