it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
