got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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