thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
