Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
