I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
