Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
do herpes really smell.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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