in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
