my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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