Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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