Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
