JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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