We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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