no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a search helicopter?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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