At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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