the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
