Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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