you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
