Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
