Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
