WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The feeling are messing with the penis
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
