he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
