physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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