Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
