i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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