A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
vagina is talking i cant
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
