remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
