i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You are the jesus of drinking
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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