Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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