I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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