My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize