suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
