This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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