I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
