His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
