She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
