Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
