It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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