Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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