I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
