life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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