dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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