dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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