I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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