Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
