Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!