if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.