I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
