im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was confusing and full of hummus
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
