with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We talked him into tasing himself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
