you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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