I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak