I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions