You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
