What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.