So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?