i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him