What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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