My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
