Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
