please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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