Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize