Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
