Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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