dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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