As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
