I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
