Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
