I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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