No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
