Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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