no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
