i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
