it wasn't lemon gatorade
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
