jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
