Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
