so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
